The Unconscious Mind & Self-Sabotage: Why We Block Our Own Success
- Marrissa Rhodes
- Apr 8
- 5 min read
The Mystery of Self-Sabotage
Why is it that just when things are going well—an exciting opportunity appears, a relationship deepens, or a goal begins to take shape—we sometimes do something to derail it? We procrastinate. We pick a fight. We downplay our success or convince ourselves we’re not ready. These moments can leave us confused and frustrated, wondering: Why would I get in my own way?
Self-sabotage is not a failure of motivation or discipline—it’s a reflection of something deeper. From a psychoanalytic perspective, it’s often a signal from the unconscious mind, revealing internal conflicts we may not even know we carry. Understanding these hidden dynamics allows us to approach change not through force or self-criticism, but through compassion and curiosity.
What Is Self-Sabotage?
Self-sabotage refers to behaviors or thought patterns that undermine our own progress, goals, or well-being. It often appears subtly:
Procrastinating on projects that matter to us
Sabotaging relationships that feel meaningful
Abandoning goals right before a breakthrough
Dismissing praise or shrinking away from opportunity
These behaviors may look like avoidance, perfectionism, inconsistency, or even chronic self-doubt. What makes them especially confusing is that they often don’t feel like a choice—they arise automatically, even when part of us genuinely wants to succeed. That’s because they’re often driven by unconscious forces.
The Role of the Unconscious Mind
In psychoanalysis, the unconscious mind is not just a mysterious realm of repressed memories—it’s the part of the psyche where our deepest beliefs, fears, and internalized messages live. These unconscious forces silently shape how we see ourselves, what we believe is possible, and how much joy or success we feel comfortable holding.
We might consciously want to grow, achieve, or connect—while unconsciously fearing what that success might mean. Will it separate me from others? Will I be judged? Will it all fall apart if I get too hopeful?
Self-sabotage, then, becomes a kind of protective mechanism. It’s our unconscious mind’s way of keeping us emotionally “safe” from perceived threats—even when those threats are outdated or no longer relevant. Symptoms become messengers, guiding us to deeper truths we haven’t yet fully understood.
Common Psychoanalytic Roots of Self-Sabotage
1. Internalized Critical Voices
Growing up in environments with high expectations or criticism can lead to internalized voices that say, “You’re not good enough,” or “You’ll never get it right.” These voices become the inner critic and can unconsciously sabotage our efforts to avoid anticipated failure.
2. Fear of Success or Change
Success often brings change, and change can feel threatening to parts of us that learned to survive in chaos, scarcity, or invisibility. We may unconsciously fear that success will lead to rejection, pressure, or loss of identity.
3. Guilt About Surpassing Others
In families where suffering was normalized or achievement was minimized, thriving can bring guilt. We may unconsciously hold ourselves back to remain loyal to loved ones or avoid disrupting group dynamics.
4. Unresolved Trauma or Shame
When we carry unprocessed trauma or shame, we may not believe we deserve good things. We sabotage opportunities because a deeper part of us still feels flawed, unworthy, or unsafe in the spotlight.
Signs You May Be Sabotaging Yourself
Self-sabotage often flies under the radar, masked by rationalizations or disguised as self-protection. Some common signs include:
Constantly procrastinating on important tasks
Starting strong and losing motivation midway through
Avoiding visibility or recognition at work
Picking fights in relationships when closeness deepens
Setting unrealistic goals that ensure failure
Repeating the same relationship patterns despite good intentions
These patterns aren’t about laziness or lack of willpower. They are clues to something unresolved inside—something that needs your attention, not your judgment.
How Psychoanalytic Therapy Helps You Understand & Transform These Patterns
The heart of psychoanalytic therapy is the belief that when we bring unconscious material into awareness, we open the door to true transformation. In therapy, you don’t just learn how to “manage” self-sabotage—you learn why it’s there in the first place.
Through the therapeutic relationship, patterns begin to surface. You might notice the same dynamics playing out in therapy that show up in your daily life: fears of being seen, discomfort with praise, mistrust of consistency. These are not failures—they’re opportunities. The therapy space becomes a microcosm where the unconscious reveals itself in real time.
By exploring these dynamics with a therapist trained to work at depth, you begin to understand the parts of yourself that are in conflict. You learn how to hold compassion for the protective strategies that once kept you safe, and gradually, those strategies begin to loosen their grip.
Insight alone isn’t enough—lasting change happens through the slow, relational work of integrating these parts of the self. Psychoanalytic therapy offers not just understanding, but the emotional experience of being met, seen, and supported in a new way.
Moving Toward Self-Compassion Instead of Self-Blame
One of the greatest gifts of this work is the shift from shame to self-compassion. When you begin to understand your self-sabotaging behaviors as protective, rather than destructive, your relationship with yourself begins to soften.
You start to recognize that the parts of you that sabotage are trying, in their own way, to keep you safe from pain, rejection, or overwhelm. You stop fighting them and start listening. And in that listening, healing becomes possible.
The antidote to self-sabotage is not more self-discipline—it’s more self-connection. As you become more integrated, the need to protect yourself in these old ways diminishes. You begin to move through life with more freedom, clarity, and compassion.
What Transformation Can Look Like
Following through on goals with greater ease and consistency
Feeling more comfortable with visibility and success
Choosing relationships that are aligned with your values and needs
Experiencing less internal conflict and more inner harmony
Feeling empowered to expand into your full potential
These changes don’t happen all at once—but over time, as unconscious patterns shift, the way you move through the world begins to feel more congruent with your true self.
Who This Work Is For
If you’re someone who seems to “have it all together” on the outside but often feels conflicted, stuck, or unfulfilled on the inside, this work is for you. It’s for the high achievers, creatives, caregivers, perfectionists—the people who carry a quiet, persistent sense that something within them holds them back.
Whether you're in Missouri or Kansas, my team and I work with clients who are ready to move beyond insight and into deep psychological transformation. You don’t have to keep repeating the same patterns. There is another way.
You're Not Broken—You're Protecting Something Unconscious
Self-sabotage isn’t irrational or random. It’s a sign that part of you is trying to protect something tender, unresolved, or afraid. When we slow down, listen, and bring compassion to these parts, they begin to soften.
If you’re ready to understand why you keep getting in your own way—and more importantly, how to stop—we would be honored to support you in that process.
📞 Reach out to schedule a consultation and take the first step toward living in alignment with your deepest potential.
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